Do you associate purples and pinks with a sense of nostalgia? I watched the film I Saw the TV Glow recently and I think the title alone explains the connection I have with those colours and that emotion, and I get the same sense from Digital Personas, the deeply personal debut album from Jude Kerr.
It opens with these big church-like synth chords accompanied with indecipherable mumbling, coughs, and backwards pianos. This one is called Running To Dead Ends, and it's gorgeous. It's incredibly dreamy, the closest point of reference I can think of is the kind of thing David Lynch and Angelo Badalamenti would cook up for Julee Cruise in the late 80s and early 90s. It's a little jarring when a dnb-esque beat kicks in during the final few minutes, but somehow Jude ties it together and makes it work.
In a way, it kinda sums up the album. For the most part, the early tracks consist of these big synthy compositions that are sad and nostalgic and at times a little doomy too. Eight Long Dreadful Years, for instance, is haunting and oppressive, while still feeling reflective and sad. I didn't actually notice when it went into the following track, People Watching in Argyle Street, as it felt like a logical progression. It's sadder, it's eerier, and it's more dramatic, but it exists in a similar kind of space.
Move forward and the drama intensifies with the short and slightly chiptuney I Watched You Die Mentally and the melancholy Do You Answer The Phone?
That one has this feeling of a kind of sustained depression. A feeling that is there, it's debilitating and helpless, and the only way out is through. In a way it's the emotional climax of this first section of the album, as towards the end the beat shifts and it feels like perhaps you might get lifted out of it.
It's no surprise then that the following track, New Face, New Man is a radical change of pace. The synths are loud and aggressive and there's a techno rhythm. Is it happy? Hell no. But it's got an energy to it that as of yet hasn't been seen.
For a brief period, we're going to deal exclusively in bangers, and none less so than Sibling Rivalry. This track fucking rips. It's notably longer than everything so far and honestly is maybe the only track that would stand up entirely on its own without the context of the album. It's a huge synthwave piece that's co-composed and mixed by Vern Carson, and while I'm not sure who did what, I think you can feel the strength of that collaboration.
What of the new man, though? Is he the same as the old man? Probably yes, but a little wiser. The closing track, Despite everything, it's still you brings back that church-like feeling, but initially feels a little lighter. The chords are clearer. The dread will come back, though.
There's something nostalgic about this album, but I'm not sure if it's my nostalgia or Jude's, who judging from the photo is significantly younger than me. Hard times are hard when you're in them and sometimes that pain can have a long tail. But sometimes when you're able to look at them from a distance, you can see beauty there regardless. That's what this album made me feel, like I'm looking at those feelings behind me.