How long would it take for someone to notice if you died? A question that has, at times, filled me with a fairly intense existential dread, and a question that Nico Leivo asks themself in What if I die?, an indie pop banger whose catchiness betrays the sadness at the song's core.
Even in its opening moments, Nico rhythmically whispering "I'm alone I'm alone I'm alone I'm alone" is really striking. It's something that hooks the listener in immediately by being tickling that part of our brain that loves repetitive sounds, while imitating a troubled mind that doesn't know how to shut up. I was in immediately.
What comes after is a really nicely produced acoustic ditty, complete with a punchy drum machine, and forlorn vocals. It all sounds great, the production here is really impressive. That kind of lofi-without-actually-being-lofi sound where everything sounds organic and unprocessed, while still being clean and clear, and building in a really satisfying way.
The lyrics are so real, too. I used to be single and live on my own and you do find yourself dealing with these thoughts, or at least I did. Wondering what other people do with themselves, wondering when it was that people left your life, and yes, how long would it take for people to notice if you weren't around anymore. Questions that enter your head when your foot slightly slips on the bath, or a bit of food goes down the wrong tube and you choke for a couple of seconds. Thinking like it's Friday now, so I guess at the earliest would be Monday when I don't show up for work. Who's in on Monday? Would they notice when I don't join the morning call, and would they try and get in touch? I'd probably need to be AWOL for at least a day or two so maybe it would be as late as Wednesday!
I do hope that Nico is alright and doesn't feel too lonely. This is a really, really good song, very easy to get into, and darkly relatable too.
